On Looking For A Gig (revised)

On Looking For A Gig

I discovered it today:
Vanity and expectations – disappointment when
The expectations come and go,
Do not show up at all.
I suddenly came to a truth that I can only call,
“Why not walk in and say to one an all –
Accept me! Love me! Take my gift cause here I am!
I give a lift and here’s my name!”
If no one cares, no one’s to blame.
I ought to feel it’s all the same.

I don’t. I fuss. Today I cussed.
I don’t know why I thought they’d say
“Of course you get the job. Come by
Tomorrow. Start at once.”
I didn’t get to see the chief, and forced away without a fief,
I stalked way like some old thief.
They say they’ll call. They seldom do.
That slap says, “Who the hell are you?”

And here I’m always thinking that my presence is enhancing.
Jobs few, money low. I’m either doing something wrong
Or God is stopping this whole show for my protection.
He is saying, “Screw the song!
There are hundreds, thousands more equipped,
More talented, more single-minded. Shut your lip!
You’re ordinary. That’s your fate!
Stay at home! Develop! Wait!”

Don’t overestimate position, Something’s phoney ‘bout position.
It is not a fixed condition; no condition ever is.
Throw away the sword, its thrust for world reward.
Never fixed, things swinging twixt between
The past and now. You ordinary, silly cow,
Cook your meals! Stay at home! Write your ordinary poem!
Be happy because it feels nice sitting at your beans and rice,
Not judging, striving, in the race thankful that you’re still alive.
Thanking God that you survive.

This summer day. You saw a hare –
A baby, eating on the lawn.
You saw a mist-fair dawn descend upon the lake outside.
Stay home, create and hide!
Take in you may be ordinary
As if it were lotion on your ageing skin.
You’re not a star,
You’re just the creature that you are
Amid the facts and happenings around.
Go to ground, eat up, get fat!
Go and buy a summer hat!

On Looking For A Gig 6.8.1994/revised 5.22.2020
Vaguely About Music; Circling Round Vanities; God Book; Arlene Corwin

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